Speedy second time births - a gift for student midwives…but what about the women?

Anyone who has been within a mile radius of a student midwife will probably be aware of the magical number 40. Once upon a time in years gone by, 40 was decided upon as the magical number of ‘normal births’ (a discussion about what ‘normal’ actually means is the topic for another blog) that a student midwife has to participate in before they can qualify as a registered midwife. There are also a host of other targets and numbers to be signed off and achieved before registration but for some reason, the 40 births is the one that seems to generate the most conversation, and dare I say it, competition.

A Tuesday on the Labour Ward

Picture the scene… two second-year student midwives are working on the labour ward and the phone rings to alert the midwife in charge of a multip* coming in, in labour. I promise you I have felt the immediate tension in the air…the bargaining starts of how many births the students have each got…all possible reasons why they should be chosen to be the perfect choice to look after this woman are offered. And this is why… second time babies are notoriously quick and straightforward. Obviously, this is not always the case, but it is the case often enough to make a multip in labour very appealing to a student midwife, desperate for their 40 births.

A different side to the same coin

I now invite you to picture another aspect of the same scene. A woman, having her second baby, starts to have labour pains whilst at home, around lunchtime. The memories of her first, long labour are suddenly brought sharply back into focus (nothing like the first contraction to suddenly remind you what lies ahead). Memories of going to the labour ward with her first baby, feeling in absolute agony, only to be told ‘things haven’t properly started yet’, being offered some paracetamol and sent home. But this labour feels powerful. But it felt powerful last time too but she was told it hadn’t really started… so it’s probably the same this time. So she tries to distract herself. But within in an hour the sense of a rapidly progressing, efficient labour is no longer ignorable. Perhaps there are even intermittent urges to push with some contractions. So the woman calls her husband, and he starts to make his way home from work…

Back to the Labour Ward

Fast forward another hour and the woman arrives at the doors of the labour ward, greeted by whichever eager student midwife won the battle to look after her and by this time her body is firmly in control and beginning to birth. People are looking for a wheelchair, urgent voices about what room, can someone find some gas and air…and the rest is a blur until there is a wet and wriggly baby on your chest.

Words sometimes speak louder than actions

I want to take a moment to consider the language that is often used in these cases and what messages that they send. “You’re so lucky”, “wow, there wasn’t any time for any pain relief”, “you must be delighted”, “he wasn’t hanging around was he?!”. I appreciate that some people will genuinely feel delighted with this scenario, and that is, of course wonderful and ok! But some of the most repressed trauma has been from cases similar to this.

Labour is a transition phase, a time between being pregnant, and holding your baby as a new parent. There are natural, physiological gaps in the process to allow for the transition to occur. When this process is accelerated these gaps are shortened and it can be a shocking, powerful, overwhelming and sometimes traumatising experience. It is not always pleasant or easy to surrender yourself to what your body knows how to do, no matter how ‘natural’ the process is. I have had nights on the bathroom floor where my body ‘naturally’ knew exactly what it was doing with food poisoning, but it didn’t make it a pleasant experience.

When we use words like ‘lucky’, ‘speedy’, ‘natural’ we unintentionally create a space where women can’t admit that they hold trauma. That is why, at Little Light Support, I see women who struggle to make contact with me because, as far as they are concerned ‘nothing bad happened’ and they feel unjustified in wanting to understand what happened to them. Together we review notes, listen to their story and piece together the missing parts. I create permission to feel sad, guilty, cheated, brushed aside...or whatever negativity may be there. It is also important to realise that you can be delighted with your healthy baby and also feel dissatisfied with your birth at the same time. These feelings are justified in co-existing. I have worked with many women and families who have benefitted so much from the clarity gained from a birth debrief or a birth reflection. It allows for the circle to be closed, snippets of jumbled information to be pieced together and clarified and, more importantly, for you to be heard and healed.

I want to hear your story and I’m ready to listen when you are ready to tell it.

*A multip is the midwife-speak for a multiparous woman, i.e. someone who has had a baby before

Birth reflection or birth debrief? Which is right for me?

Life After Birth: A Profound Shift

Bringing a baby into the world is one of the most transformative experiences a person can go through. The arrival of a newborn brings with it joy and love, but also profound physical, emotional, and psychological change. Many parents find themselves overwhelmed by the intensity of this transition, struggling to capture their feelings in words. Tiredness, loneliness, and a deep sense of disorientation are far more common than is often acknowledged. Sometimes it can feel like we need a whole new set of words to describe this.

When Birth Doesn’t Match Expectations

No matter how you prepare—whether with a detailed birth plan, extensive reading, or a decision to “go with the flow”—birth can unfold in unexpected ways. For some, labour is described as overwhelming, confusing, traumatic, or excruciating. These feelings do not necessarily fade once a baby is placed in your arms, nor do they automatically ease when you return home. The common reassurance that “you’ll forget” rarely reflects reality. In fact, it is entirely normal to remember your birth experience vividly, regardless of whether it was considered medically straightforward. Just because you have a healthy baby, or nothing went dramatically wrong doesn’t mean that you aren’t entitled to understand and tell your story.

The Nature of Birth Memories

Birth memories can often feel fragmented. Some people replay particular moments repeatedly, struggling to join the pieces into a coherent story. Others recall small details with absolute clarity—tones of voice, facial expressions, snippets of conversation—while large portions remain hazy or absent. Turning to a partner for answers can sometimes leave gaps unfilled, as their perspective may also be limited.

The Hospital Environment

For those who gave birth in hospital, particularly on a Labour Ward where most interventions occur, questions often remain about why certain decisions were made or why events unfolded as they did. Even on a calm day, the environment can feel overwhelming: alarms sounding, equipment in use, voices raised, and the intensity of multiple births taking place simultaneously. It is unsurprising that many people leave with their minds in turmoil. Yet the demands of caring for a newborn mean that emotional processing is frequently postponed.

Facing Pregnancy After a Difficult Birth

Unresolved experiences often resurface during subsequent pregnancies. The thought of another birth can focus the mind on unanswered questions and unprocessed emotions from a previous experience. This may create fear, uncertainty, or a strong need for clarity before giving birth again. Suppressing these feelings can be exhausting, particularly while navigating the responsibilities of parenthood.

Debrief and Reflection – Understanding the Difference

This is where birth debriefs and birth reflections can play a valuable role. Both approaches help parents explore their experience, but there are important distinctions. A birth reflection allows space to gently revisit emotions and impressions surrounding the experience. A birth debrief, however, goes further. At Little Light Support, the debrief process offers a safe, structured, and clinically informed space where missing details can be explored, questions can be answered, and tools for moving forward can be developed. Reflection remains integral to the process, but the debrief provides a more comprehensive framework for healing and clarity.

Moving Forward With Clarity

Your birth story matters. It is not something to be forgotten or dismissed—it deserves recognition, exploration, and care. Whether you are still adjusting to life with your baby or preparing for another pregnancy, a birth debrief can help you make sense of your experience and restore confidence in yourself and your body. At Little Light Support, the focus is on creating a safe and compassionate environment where your story can be heard, understood, and reframed, enabling you to move forward with lightness, clarity, and strength.